I have been giving a lot of thought lately to conflict and disappointment in relationships.  Of course, as a couple counselor I am always thinking about conflict and disappointment in relationships, but I’ve been conceptualizing it a little differently lately – noticing something in my patients and in myself that is very important.  It seems basic.  It is basic. 

Maya Angelou stated, “People won’t remember what you said, they won’t remember what you did, but they will remember how you made them feel”.  How you made them feel.  Co-regulation.  Your nervous system meets my nervous system, and a new nervous system is created between us.

Humans have been equipped with not only the capacity for abstract thought, but with a range of powerful and fabulous and frightening emotions.  We are able to feel happy, joyous, gleeful, surprised, sad, devastated, aggrieved, pained, confused, overwhelmed… and so much more.  And yet we are often told that we must be positive; that positive thinking is the key to feeling better and being better. 

It’s cheesy but it works.  Empirical data tells us that gratitude actually changes the brain.  With the rapid intake of intense news, we can help equalize our brain with reliable and intentional gratitude practice.  Research tells us that it’s important to write it down. Make a commitment to write down at least 5 things you are grateful for each day.  If you are struggling to come up with something, go back to the basics.  Fresh tasting juice, a pretty flower in the yard, clean sheets.  

Teletherapy has quickly gained popularity in the time of social distancing.  In some cases, teletherapy has been in use for some time now.  Some feel unsure of online therapy, but most have found it to be better than expected.   We at Relationship Restoration have found a few things that enhance the experience.

Integrating yoga into sex therapy allows clients to experience and practice safe and fun touch without the pressure of having to perform sexually.  

You are in pain… sometimes that pain becomes agony, and you have been suffering for a long time without relief. Your pain stems from things that happened to you in your past. You know this, but you just can’t make it go away. You need to figure this out because your joy, self-concept, relationships, and future depend on it; but you’ve tried a lot of different things, and you are losing confidence in your own ability to heal.  

In my practice, I regularly see people who are struggling with anxiety.  However, my male clients commonly struggle with performance anxiety.  This type of anxiety can happen in men of absolutely any age and can result from various factors.

We’ve all heard talk of the “bathroom bill” in North Carolina, but many of us have very little understanding of the myriad of issues facing those that identify as other than the gender that they are assigned at birth. Relationship Restoration’s clinicians are constantly participating in continuing education to ensure that we have the skills to be inclusive in our work with ALL individuals and couples in the community.

People can have beautifully connected relationships and miss the physical expression of it by being adrift in thought.  Mindfulness is a skill that can be cultivated in various ways to help a person be in the here and now and feel the physical expression of love intended for them.  Mindfulness can be practiced while doing any daily task.  The goal is to be more fully engaged in what you are currently doing.